2021.10.18 01:07 lasthopel this keeps happening to me and i have zero cue why my peek is MG1
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2021.10.18 01:07 afuera0 Anyone else get bored after trip?
I just had an amazing week vacation and tripped acid on one of the last days. It was the best acid trip I ever had! The next day i had the after glow and felt amazing! Spreading the love, drinking water, and not giving in to my bad habits. Today is two days later, and I am super bored. I do not feel like doing any of my normal hobbies and i have to go back to work tomorrow. I have never been bored after my acid trips before. I usually am more excited for life post trip. This is about my 10th time tripping (2 tabs).
Has this happened to anyone else?
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2021.10.18 01:07 ShyKat9653 When Gale lost Katniss
I have always disliked Gale, but I think the moment he lost any chance of Katniss loving him was in Mockingjay when he is helping to plan the traps for District 2. At that moment, he becomes like a Gamemaker, figuring out the best trap to kill people.
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2021.10.18 01:07 antanarchy TIFU by making a stupid decision and losing all of my friends. And a $30,000 scholarship.
Today I fucked up bad. Real bad. For context, I'm a schizophrenic. I'm on meds and have been relatively hallucination free for more than half a year now. I'm really proud of how far I've come in my recovery. I've also gone from not being able to go to school to enjoying school and structure. I've managed my PTSD and my crippling fear of crowds and strangers, especially men. I've been able to control my emotions, take a step back, and be able to use words and taking my time to communicate with people maturely, so I don't just break down. I'm also autistic, so I have a really hard time processing extreme emotions and stress, as well as social cues (especially online) and recognizing when I should pull back.
I guess this takes over the place of a week, but it kinda climaxed in one massive fuck up. So I'm in the school marching band, specifically the colorguard. And freshman year, I was bullied off of the swim team, severely depressed and just a general shitshow. When I joined Guard, it changed my life- I made new friends who actually enjoyed my company and wanted me to be there. I forged bonds and was found reliable. I was so incredibly happy. I felt like my life was going somewhere, and that gave me enough motivation to actually try in therapy and recovery so I could be the best friend I could be, to function healthily with my new friends. They were so sweet, kind, and patient. I genuinely loved them to bits. I would do anything for them. I even because quartermaster this year so that the colorguard could get their equipment moved and on time. I tried my absolute best to show up everyday and give it all that I had, to listen and learn.
So about a week ago, my best friend, let's call him Josh, got a little pissed. See, our center snare isn't very good- and our entire marching band really just sucks. Josh vented to me by writing a series of poems that were quite vulgar. Normally, I would have just not responded and checked in with him later when I had the emotional capacity to do so. But for the past few days, I had been off my meds by accident- causing me to not sleep, or eat a lot, and I wasn't entirely conscious of hallucinations of my friends that were starting to appear and telling me nasty things, like nobody likes you, etc etc. So i was already pretty unstable, and I didn't think to reach out and contact someone because I was too far down the rabbit hole. So back to Josh. He wrote a vent poem about our center snare and two drum majors always being enamoured by each other, and how angry it made him feel. He used very offensive and vulgar terms. I asked him if I could share it with ONE of my friends. He said yes. So I, like an idiot, SENT IT TO OUR COLORGUARD GROUP CHAT. WITH UNDERCLASSMEN.
And that made someone very, very uncomfortable. Rightfully so, they reported it to a dean. My friend Josh was notified that day. This is a day after the poem got sent. That afternoon, we had a sectional. Everyone was ignoring me, I was ignoring everyone. I was to captivated by my hallucinations and in a different state of mind, without any good decision making processes to help. Normally, I have a 'safe person' I can talk to, who knows how to let me out of these situations. It normally goes something like "OP, you're not thinking right and you shouldn't be making these decisions right now. Take a step back, reset, and once you're medicated and well-rested, then we can have a talk." But no one was there to tell me that, and so I kept spiraling to the point where I wasn't logically conscious of my decisions, which is bad.
After our sectional practice ended, my two section leaders came up to me to put their stuff away. And I snapped. I told them everything the voices were telling me to say, and it was mean. Very cruel. Of course, it was late at night, and I don't think any of my friends knew how to respond. I told them I was gonna quit guard. I tried to drag them down and mock them. Thinking about it now, I feel absolutely terrible. The shame I feel, how much it hurt the guard. It legit makes my stomach hurt thinking about it.
So I went home that night, and went to bed. The next day, I was pulled from second period. My dean told me they got a complaint and that I needed to go home for the day while they investigated. I agreed. My dean promised me no one was gonna get in trouble. I tried to emphasize that I should take burden of it because I was the one who violated Josh's privacy. She reassured me and I trusted my dean and social worker to do what's right.
So I go home, and take the day off. I reset my medication and came out of my mental episode, which also means that I don't realize what I've done. A lot of the time, I don't really remember well what I did in the real world, I really only remember what the hallucinations were. I talked to my parents and they were supportive and empathetic.
So three days after the text was sent was the climax. I go to school, it's the end of the week, everyone is pumped. It's senior night and I was gonna walk out onto the field and celebrate pulling through a pandemic and shitty junior year. I attempt to talk to some guard members, but they mostly ignore me, or just try to divert the conversation. That made me feel anxious.
The last period of the day, I'm summoned to my Dean's office. She sat me down, and basically said that due to the amount of people I hurt, and since I violated the code of conduct, I was kicked and banned from color guard and marching band in general.
That hurt. We still have majority of our performances to go to. I had just prepped our gear and was fixing stuff. I was excited to compete. Most importantly, I was excited to see what my friends were gonna do, and proud of how far we had come after months of practice. It felt unfair, since if my safe person were here, none of this wld have happened. I couldn't breathe. The thing I had looked forward to, for YEARS, gone.
I also lost a 30,000 dollar scholarship for Guard in college because I got kicked out. That hurt a lot.
All of my colorguard friends and band friends now don't want to talk. They're confused, shocked and angry that I went psycho. I desperately want to apologize and tell them I wasn't in full control, but many of them feel like it's a 'get out of jail free card.' I've lost the group of people who helped me appreciate my body and overcome some of my extremely bad eating habits (i.e not eating at all), they made me feel wanted and needed. I would have done anything. Oh, and Josh got kicked as well.
See, the thing about Josh is that he is VERY PASSIONATE about music. He's incredibly talented and hard working, he practices diligently and has a drive unlike anything I've ever seen. He's pretty much my best friend. Except that he really needs a letter of recommendation from our band director, and now that he's out, that's in jeapordy. Additionally, his colleges will frown upon an in school suspension, despite his dean promising him that it wouldn't show up on his record. It's putting his entire education plans in trouble. All because of that two second decision I made.
I'm absolutely broken, folks. I feel myself slipping. I hated school and the only reason why I went was to do colorguard. We have a small guard, so losing me pretty much effects everyone. I was also on rifle line. Now they're down to four.
I can't help but feel extremely angry at myself. Why did I let my medication slip? Why didn't I reach out? I've never been late to class, I have no tardies, I've never had to be disciplined by the school before. I've made dean's list and honor roll every year, I think. And this happens. The school didn't even let the Guard vote if I should stay or not. I let everyone down, I let my friends down, I let the band down. I was relied upon to do things, and I loved it. My purpose, my responsibility, my pride, my love. Gone. I can't fix it like one would normally. Per school policy, I'm not supposed to talk to them, or even be in the same room.
I'm heartbroken. And I've gotta procure $30,000 extra for college. I hate myself. I hate the world. I wish I could go back in time and never have done that. It had cost me everything I've been working towards for the past four years. With less than 20 minutes of discussion, the director of student activites and my dean made sure that it was wasted.
I don't want to succeed anymore. I just want to not have to think. I want to go away and never be found. My friends don't want to talk. I should have been more mature. I should have thought it through.
TL ; DR : I hurt my friends and got myself kicked out of the Guard by making a stupid snap decision, and lost my $30,000 dollar scholarship.
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2021.10.18 01:07 AssistStreet1460 opinions?
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2021.10.18 01:07 RitzLover37 This is how I see Kapi and Anthro Doggo's Relationship don't judge me.
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2021.10.18 01:07 MAKS091705 Have we heard anything about yondu?
This may be a stupid question, but has there been any news about this universes yondu? I’m a big fan of the character and I’m wondering if we’ll see him in the game
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2021.10.18 01:07 JimHunterBestIcon So I signed Vardy's regen from the Free Agents list in my Bolton save, converted him into a winger and just... Wow... Politic has some serious competition!
2021.10.18 01:07 Doggy9000 that's it, that's the joke
2021.10.18 01:07 Strict-Exchange Top 20 Best Players of NASB (Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl)
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2021.10.18 01:07 Moose_20 32 m4f
2021.10.18 01:07 Division_00 Where do I find numbers/accounts to scambait?
2021.10.18 01:07 TheReelSteele X factor draisatl
Is it a complete waste using a tradeable base card of him to upgrade at this point? Or should I sell him and get mcdavid because I already have 100k saved up.
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2021.10.18 01:07 alexxxis_05 Inviting friends great app!!
Why wait for payday? Get Earnin, go to work as usual, & get up to $100/day from your pay as needed. Pay Earnin back on payday, & tip what you'd like – even $0. Use referral code ALEXIS.EARN.63 or follow my link here: https://earnin.link/D69E
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2021.10.18 01:07 DarthVedik Asmadi's Command - Moxtober Day 17
2021.10.18 01:07 jew_see Favorite Golfer and Why?
2021.10.18 01:07 Belalmondeo OnePlus 9 128GB -Black ( T-mobile Unlocked) A unlocked Excellent | eBay - $479.99 (Refurbished).
2021.10.18 01:07 CutieFeet0902 How's the view? 🤤
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2021.10.18 01:07 ickybus overview for DianneBaker19
2021.10.18 01:07 Naive-Future3823 13 (they/them) dyed my hair today :)
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2021.10.18 01:07 Aidan_Baidan any idea what this could be? i’m thinking recent gen hyundai sedan?
|submitted by Aidan_Baidan to whatisthiscar [link] [comments]|
2021.10.18 01:07 CryptoCurrencEEE Bitcoin Mining Is Decentralizing – Here’s Proof
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2021.10.18 01:07 nomada-digital Best earphones for side-sleepers and extremely light sleepers
I am looking to buy earphones for sleeping. Ideally they would also be useful for work, but my priority is for sleep. These are the features I am looking for, from top priority to lower priority.
2021.10.18 01:07 X7VU The Batman movie trailer's penguin vs Gothams penguin
Wanna know what yall are thinking! The Batman movie trailer just dropped, and it is said the guy in the car at the end is penguin. You got high hopes for him? Do you think this is gonna be better than Gotham's penguin? Here is the trailer
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2021.10.18 01:07 MrSolbitizen Toughts? Join us!
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